‍Kids are Bundles of Awesome Disaster

As a parent of 3 boys, a working full time mental health therapist, and a professional GM (Game Master) at StartPlaying Games, I feel well qualified to speak about DnD and how to help kids of all levels play.

I had played Dungeons & Dragons in the 90’s and the early 2000’s for a little while. But adult development kicked in and the hobby was dropped for things like dating, working, and other interests. It wouldn’t be until years later I would play again. When my then 13 year old son asked me to play. I got on board immediately. In the four years since, we have run Dragon of Icespire Peak, Dragons of Stormwreck Isle, and he is working on his own homebrew. My middle child went big and ran Dungeon of the Mad Mage for a while and is transitioning to Dragon Heist. For my Youngest we went through The Wild Beyond the Witchlight with his buddies; they were eight.

I probably lost you with the titles. But my kids are six years apart and I have run multiple campaigns with them. Session after session with kids and teens. I have run or played with four groups over the last four years. Teens love innuendo and everything is innuendo. Pre teens knew how to play the game before learning the rules. And the younger set want to friend everything they shouldn’t and kill everything they shouldn’t.

It is AWESOME. And so weird. 

The benefits of D&D such as applying math skills, encouraging reading, problem solving, and being creative are well documented. There are studies that bear these out. It’s not always easy. There are pitfalls you should be aware of when playing with kids and teens (and adults).

Rules Provide Boundaries

Kids need boundaries. Lots and lots of boundaries. Kids hate boundaries. They constantly push up against their boundaries as they explore the world around them. I teach this to the parents I see as their therapist all the time. I also recognize that boundary pushing is horrible for us. And just know they’ll push up against DnD Boundaries. 

DnD is a game that uses textbooks. This is great. The textbooks supply rules and rules create boundaries. Remember kids need rules and boundaries. DnD provides social boundaries, waiting for your turn boundaries, and the word “no” boundary. Role differences, specialties, and understanding weaknesses/strengths is a boon of table top roleplaying games. Different classes (jobs/skills) in TTRPG’s (Tabletop Role Playing Game) allow for characters to have varied skills that work best together. Moms, Dads, and Caregivers you don’t need me to tell you how important this is. Also, It’s totally fine to say no to a kid in a game (or out of it too).

Rule of Cool Challenges Boundaries

Rule of Cool is this idea in the game that bends the rules in lieu of something fantastic. Rule of Cool exists to allow people to explore a fun fantasy in the game or to do something extraordinary outside of the rules. The thing that makes kids the most frustrating is when they push up against boundaries; but it is delightful when kids push up against boundaries and find something new or exciting.

In the game there are few written rules regarding cutting a hanging chandelier to swing to the balcony, to face-off against a goblin shooting arrows at her friend. But you can do it if the GM allows it. Find a GM with clear boundaries but enough wiggle room to allow the rule of cool for your kids (also, mom/dad/caregiver become the GM yourself). GM’s comfortable with “Yes, And”, “Yes, But”, “No, But”, and “No, And”. These skills come from improv and help move the story along while offering success or a new option. Let’s apply these to the Chandelier scenario:

• Yes, And: You cut the chandelier’s rope and fly up to the balcony and the chandelier lands on the goblin boss's head below. Roll damage as it falls on his head.
• ‍Yes, But: You cut the chandelier rope and fly up to the balcony, Unfortunately, the goblin gets a shot off on you as you arrive.
• ‍No, But: Your sword is unable to cut that chain. However you can clamber up that curtain over there. Give me an acrobatics roll to see if you make it.
• ‍No, And: Your sword can’t cut through the chain holding the chandelier up And it looks like the Goblin Boss is going to hit you next. He’s giving you the stink eye. 

One more thought here. The younger crowd may want to keep or befriend everything. Let them. Befriending animals and weird/silly non player characters (NPC’s) is a thing that defies age brackets. From someone who heard about it for 20 sessions afterward let them tame the owlbear. Give it bum statistics and they’ll be happy. Encourage their kindness; the behaviors you want to see.

Actions Have Consequences

Kids and Teens are sometimes really bad at seeing the long view and long term consequences. Fighting the general store clerk because you couldn’t get a discount may end badly for the clerk. But down the road the town guard may come looking for you. Defaulting to other skills characters have such as persuasion, performance, or deception is a way to encourage fighting.

Kids (dare I say players in general) need help to understand the stakes. Explain them. Be clear. It’s a game. If you explain the stakes and they do something anyway, it’s ok to apply the consequences. “You could fight this guy and take his stuff, but that will make it harder to get into the town later.” Also instead of explaining the stakes and giving them a threat that may escalate, you can try and give them an alternative “You could fight this man, but maybe you can try to intimidate him instead”. Once intimidated, maybe the shopkeeper sets up a new quest: “Please friends, my son is ill and the cure is expensive. There is the leaf in the woods that could help, but it is guarded by some owlbears. We need money to pay for adventurers or mercenaries to retrieve it.” 

Sometimes nothing will work. Stop the game, revisit expectations of the game and the game play, and say “No”. No is a word we can use to stop things from getting out of hand. Know that no is frustrating for all involved. But, it is something that is ok to do. 

Play with your Kids

The title of this Blog is: “D&D for Parents: How to Introduce Your Kids to the Game”. I haven’t addressed this yet. Because you can just play. Any of the starter sets are fine. The rules are fine. The adventures are fine. Pick something up and start. Do your best. Everyone has advice on what system works, and which adventure is best. The truth is after 9 or 10 years of age most kids can manage a character sheet. If they don’t have the attention span for a two-and-a-half to three hour game you already know that. Play less time. If you are rolling dice while telling a story and engaging with your children in a way that you all find fun, you are doing it right

For kids younger than nine try Hero Kids, No Thank you, Evil. Or embrace the chaos like I did and try it anyway.  Remember I taught a table of six eight and nine year olds to play the game through the roleplay heavy but wonderful Wild Beyond the Witchlight. A super fun module that many people think is for experienced players (but rather it needs an experienced GM). 

There are some GM’s at StartPlaying who specialize in doing family games. Check some of them out here. There is a lot to learn. But it’s easily worth it. 

‍

‍Adam McDivitt is a father of 3 boys, professional GM, and a full time therapist. His love of D&D was reignited when his son asked him to help with a game 4 years ago. Since then he has learned a number of new systems and fell in love with TTRPG systems outside of 5e. Follow him on bluesky gmadam.bsky.social he posts there sometimes.