Dorkseid

About Dorkseid

Darkness. The darkness of the inside of your eyelids weighs heavy on your thoughts as you open your eyes to discover you are trapped in a web. A world wide web. You feel the tug of the sticky substance as you try to wrangle an arm or leg free. To find some sort of purchase. You smell the sickly sweet decay of adventurers who had come before you in search of the fabled "Perfect GM." And then you feel it. The skittering of the beast that made this web. It descends with eight limbs and zero prep time. Its many eyes blink behind fogged-up glasses and a half-hearted smile that says, "Sorry, I forgot we were playing tonight." Its mandibles chatter endlessly, spewing lukewarm homebrew, recycled campaign plots, and inconsistent rules calls. You scream. Not from fear. But from disappointment. And then—he arrives. A flash of light! A d20 hits the ground and crits with divine comedic timing. The beast recoils, tangled in pun damage and well-structured narrative arcs. A silhouette steps through the smoke, cloak billowing like a DM’s screen in a dramatic gust of narrative wind. “Looking for the perfect Game Master?” He smirks. “You've just rolled initiative on the best decision of your campaign.” With a flick of the wrist, calendars sync, Discord sings, and your backstory gets a spotlight moment. Rules are explained with the precision of a rogue’s sneak attack, and NPCs speak in a symphony of accents. The story? So immersive, your snacks level up mid-session. Combat? Tense, tactical, and full of pun-chlines. Roleplay? Deeper than a gelatinous cube’s digestive tract. You’re not just playing a game anymore. You’re living a legend. So escape the web. Step into a world where fun is meta-magically guaranteed. Roll with me. I bring the schedule, the structure, and the story—so you can just bring the dice. Now taking bookings—no saving throw required.