Tabletop role-playing games (TTRPGs) such as Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) offer unique environments that help foster deep and meaningful relationships among participants. Playing together brings us together, and the play in these types of games emphasizes collaboration, creativity, and communication, all of which are foundational elements in building strong interpersonal connections.
How TTRPGs Foster Meaningful Relationships
Collaborative Storytelling: In a TTRPG, players work together along with their group’s Game Master to create long, detailed narratives, requiring mutual trust and understanding. Everyone wants to take part in the story, and everyone at the table needs to make space for others if the game is going to run smoothly, with everyone feeling like they are participating. This shared creative process can strengthen bonds as players work together to overcome challenges and celebrate successes. Live performances of D&D, such as "The Twenty-Sided Tavern" in New York City, demonstrate the game's capacity to create interactive, community-driven experiences, further solidifying social bonds among participants. Podcasts and YouTube series and shorts prove that well-played, well-performed sessions of TTRPGs can be entertaining not only for the players, but for the viewers, as well, who act as secondary participants. There is a certain kind of live energy to seeing a TTRPG unfold, akin to watching good improvisational comedy.
Regular Social Interaction: Many TTRPG groups meet consistently, providing routine social engagement that enhances familiarity and closeness among members. Especially as we grow older, it becomes harder to meet spontaneously, so many groups find it easiest to maintain connections with regular, planned meetings. With modern internet-connected tools—everything from dice rollers, mapmakers, and character sheet creators to advanced game management tools and professional GMing like StartPlaying’s services, it’s easier than ever to keep the game going.
Encouragement of Vulnerability: Role-playing different characters allows players to explore various aspects of their personalities in a safe setting, promoting self-disclosure and empathy among group members. You develop connection with your group members’ characters and, by proxy, the aspect of themselves that they bring to that character. Players can “try on different hats,” so to speak, in a structured way, separate from real life. That can be therapeutic. Kasley Killam, a social scientist, emphasizes that "social connections significantly impact health, happiness, and longevity," highlighting the importance of activities that foster such bonds. Dungeons & Dragons, and tabletop RPGs similar in nature, are nothing without social connections. Without mutual engagement and creativity amongst the playgroup, quite literally nothing happens, since all gameplay stems from the decisions and collaboration of the gaming group. Social interaction is the medium through which all gameplay happens in TTRPGs.
Shared Goals and Problem-Solving: The cooperative nature of TTRPGs necessitates teamwork to achieve objectives, reinforcing a sense of community and shared purpose. In a TTRPG adventuring party, the group makes their own plan, deciding collectively for themselves what to do, and everyone looks out for each other, because it’s you and your group against a very hostile world and a daunting set of challenges. Everyone must rely on each other and their individual strengths in order to achieve common goals. As the old adage goes: Never split the party.
TTRPGs Overlap with Factors That Create Meaningful Relationships
Research in positive psychology identifies several components that contribute to meaningful relationships, many of which are inherent in TTRPGs:
- Positive Emotions: Engaging in enjoyable activities like TTRPGs can elicit joy, excitement, and satisfaction, which are linked to longer life and healthier social relationships. There’s nothing quite like taking months to plan and achieve a goal, with many stories and memorable moments along the way to make the achievement feel impactful.
- Engagement: The immersive nature of TTRPGs facilitates deep involvement, akin to the concept of "flow," enhancing connection among players as they share this state together, share creative energy, and create something together.
- Relationships: The social aspect of TTRPGs fulfills the human need for connection, providing a platform for building and maintaining friendships.
- Meaning and Purpose: Participating in TTRPGs can offer a sense of purpose through shared narratives and goals, contributing to overall well-being. The regular mutual creation of something with a community encourages individual players to continue to show up and be there for each other.
Let’s explore some aspects of TTRPGs that demonstrate these components for building positive relationships.
Communication, Vulnerability, and Self-Disclosure: Open and honest communication, including self-disclosure (sharing personal thoughts and feelings), strengthens connections by building trust and intimacy. In TTRPGs, as players experience the emotional ups and downs, successes and failures of a campaign, and work together to achieve their mutual goals, they build this trust and support through their words and actions in the game. Although the stories may be fictional, the emotions that players experience while playing are not, and this is what makes TTRPGs so socially satisfying. Players have to speak up when they want to do something with their character, so practicing open communication is essential to gameplay. A good game group will encourage others to speak and make sure every player in the group is represented in the action.
Shared Experiences and Goals: Aron, et al.’s classic 1997 study, "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness" demonstrates how shared experiences significantly increase relationship closeness. Participants who were asked to complete tasks that included self-disclosure together showed signs of increased intimacy and trust. The study shows the power of shared goals in motivating people to work together and become close. Participating in shared activities, especially those that involve cooperation toward common goals, deepens bonds and fosters mutual understanding. Memories are created through unique experiences, and when you share in those experiences with other people, you naturally grow closer to them. The goal of D&D is to create a unique, memorable experience every time the group meets, so it’s no wonder that many play groups end up developing deep and lasting friendships, even if they start as strangers.
TTRPG players, controlling adventurers in an allied party, encounter an array of varied challenges during play and must work together if the game is going to proceed. Relationship building (between the game characters in the party and between the players themselves) is an essential part of successful gameplay.
Empathy and Emotional Intelligence: The ability to understand and respond appropriately to others' emotions creates deeper and more satisfying relationships. Daniel Goleman, in Emotional Intelligence (2006), emphasizes empathy as a key component of meaningful relationships. Goleman’s model of Emotional Intelligence has “four domains: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management” (xiii). Players in a gaming group must practice emotional intelligence in all of these domains, both for their character in the context of the game and for themselves, as a person interacting with others in a gaming group.
Tabletop RPGs are mostly verbal and players must learn to communicate in order to keep the game running smoothly. Roleplaying different characters and responding improvisationally in-character to various situations increases perspective-taking and emotional understanding.
Consistency and Reliability: Regularly-scheduled gaming sessions provide consistent interactions that strengthen friendships. Reliable and consistent behavior enhances trust and relationship stability. Simpson, in "Foundations of Interpersonal Trust", reviews studies showing consistency and dependability foster secure attachments. Simpson identifies six major “principles of trust”: (1) desire to view partners positively and want to trust them; (2) desire to view partners more objectively; (3) observation of partners’ actions to evaluate trustworthiness; (4) testing of trust levels; (5) individual differences, which influence trust over time; and (6) disposition and actions of both trust partners. TTRPGs essentially give players a sandbox in which to test and practice these principles, practicing real-world social skills in a safe and controlled environment.
Meeting week after week, even if it’s just to play a game together, builds trust in relationships. When you begin to really get into the flow of a campaign and enjoy your weekly meeting, the members of the play group rely on each other to show up, bring a positive attitude, and make sure everyone has a good time.
Positive Interactions and Experiences: Maintaining a high ratio of positive to negative interactions strongly correlates with relationship satisfaction and durability. Gottman and Levenson’s extensive studies (Journal of Marriage and Family, 1999) highlight the "magic ratio" of at least 5 positive interactions to every negative interaction.
Players are certain to encounter challenges during their campaign, and not everything they attempt to do will succeed, but a good Game Master will make sure to adjust a game’s difficulty so that the group sees more successes than failures. A campaign with a punishing GM who tries to create insurmountable challenges for the group is bound to fall apart. When a group sees success, they get excited for more, and want to explore more of the world the GM is presenting. These positive experiences carry over into the personal relationships between players outside of the game. If you spend time together creating positive experiences, you’re likely to enjoy spending time with those people.
Vulnerability and Authenticity: Brené Brown’s research (see her TED Talk, “The power of vulnerability”) shows vulnerability is crucial to forming authentic connections. She states that “in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.” Brown asserts that those who are successful in forming authentic connections have the courage to be imperfect; compassion to be kind to themselves first, and then to others; connection as result of authenticity (letting go of who you thought you should be in order to be who you are); and they embraced vulnerability.
TTRPGs again offer a sort of social simulation. Successful groups will exhibit these traits through play in order to coordinate and overcome challenges together. Showing vulnerability and being authentic leads to greater relationship depth by promoting openness and acceptance. As we have seen, trust is extremely important in developing relationships, and vulnerability and acceptance are part of building trust in social situations. For players in a TTRPG to feel free to express themselves in the game, they need to feel accepted in their group.
Conflict Resolution Skills: Effective handling of disagreements strengthens relationships by reinforcing mutual respect and problem-solving abilities. Research by Canary, Cupach, and Messman (1995), "Relationship Conflict", underscores the importance of constructive conflict management, its role in interpersonal development, and how these relationships affect personal development. Players frequently negotiate differences and disagreements in-game, building conflict resolution skills. Take it from me (or any experienced TTRPG player): there WILL be disagreements at the gaming table. The rules for most TTRPGs are extensive, and try to account for as many extenuating circumstances as possible, but different interpretations of the rules are possible and GMs are ultimately responsible for translating the ruleset into a playable game for the group.
Players will also occasionally disagree on what to do as a group, and players’ characters’ motivations can sometimes come into conflict. It is essential that players communicate well between each other and with their GM to ensure everyone has fun and doesn’t let frustrations with what happened in the game spill over into the personal relationships between members of the group. It is better to have a player’s character leave the in-game group (and introduce a new character with motivations that better align with the group’s) than it is to have a player leave the group.
Sense of Belonging and Inclusion: Feeling part of a community or group greatly contributes to relationship satisfaction and personal well-being. TTRPGS, and Dungeons & Dragons in particular, have a reputation for attracting people who don’t fit into many typical social situations or groups. Shows like Freaks & Geeks and Stranger Things depict the game as a haven for those who don’t feel like they quite fit in with “mainstream” activities. Certainly, it takes a certain type of mindset to enjoy a game with very extensive rules that is also extremely interpretive and improvisational. The positive of this is that you meet people through play who have a lot in common with you.
Baumeister & Leary (1995), in "The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation", argue belongingness is a fundamental human motivation crucial to relationships. They explain that there is a need for “frequent, nonaversive interactions within an ongoing relational bond.” A regularly-meeting TTRPG group seems to check all these boxes, so long as members are respectful of each other and the experience is positive. Participation fosters community and a sense of inclusion within a gaming group. Participating in an activity that you enjoy, and finding others who also enjoy the same activity, is one of the easiest ways for anyone to find a group in which they feel like they belong.
Devon Chulick is the Co Founder of StartPlaying
