The Paladins Perilous: a Wacky, Totally-Broken D&D 5E One-Shot
$25.00
/ Session
Details
Once / Monday - 3:00 AM UTC
Mar 29
Session Duration / 3–4.5 hours
0 / 5 Seats Filled
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About the adventure
STOP! If you're looking for a serious, high-fantasy game where your characters deal with deep, stirring emotional issues while battling ancient, hideous evils in the Lord of the Rings vein ... go somewhere else (try my Temple Thieves campaigns, perhaps). HOWEVER, if you're looking for a crazy mish-mash of fantasy tropes thrown into a world filled with puns (would you like to delve into the Udderdark? Moooo!) and bad jokes ("It's a vorpal chicken, dude! Just throw it at the Leech Litch already!"), then you HAVE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE! Always wanted to create a highish-level (Let's say 10th. Why not?) broken-all-to-hell character ("My half-dragon minotaur beast-path barbarian is okay, yeah?) but your DM said, "Uh...no"? Won't happen here. Here you play one of the Paladins Perilous (not necessarily actual paladins, although they can be), quest-destined by the Mostly All-Powerful Sky Beings to work together (despite their probably not liking one another) to save the world from this week's apocalypse ... NO MATTER THE COST TO STRUCTURES OR LIVESTOCK! Every Sunday night in March, Celebrate March Madness with a Paladins Perilous game!
Meet the Game Master
5.0
(47)
4 years on StartPlaying
114 games hosted
Highly rated for: Creativity, Storytelling, Teacher
About me
Hi! In addition to being a professional game master (both here on Start Playing Games and live-and-in-person), I'm a published short story horror author, and host of the horror-and-humor actual-play audio drama, The Gothic Podcast. I started gaming in the Way Back, beginning with the D&D Basic box set that I asked for for Christmas because I liked the dragon on the cover. And though I still love playing and running D&D (and its cousins, Pathfinder 1e & 2e), I have gleefully embraced many other systems, especially Powered by the Apocalypse (PbtA) games such as Monster of the Week. I also loves me some Ten Candles, City of Mist, Alien RPG, and many others. Oh, and Catthulhu! Meow...aaaarrrrrhhhhhhll! To keep up with what I'm offering and other gaming commentary check out my blog at https://www.c-patrick.com
View Profile →Character creation
Creating your character
Oh, goodness. How WILL character creation happen? DnD Beyond probably can't handle the sorts of things you're going to want to make, but if it can, go for it! But here's the thing: I DON'T want you to show up with some rando character that's all like, "Hey, man, I'm just a 10th Level fighter. Wha's up?") NO! Make 'em as crazy as you've always dreamed. These are the PALADINS PERILOUS, created by the gods (er...the Amorphous Kinda-Sorta All-Powerful Sky People) to be the heroes broken out of stone (or taffy) ... to be summoned from the murky depths of the Bad Fish Brewery's oldest sludge vat ... to be called forth by the blowing of the Horn of Fertility and Really Great Heroic Types ... to SAVE THE FRICKIN' WORLD. These are NOT your average adventurers. As such, the Standard Array in the PHB isn't good enough for them. Let's go with the Standard array + 3 to each ability score! That's right, we're bringing back the Heroic Array! so go ahead and distribute 11, 13, 15, 16, 17, and 18 however you like. AND THEN ADD 1 MORE POINT TO ONE OF THOSE SCORES! (Wait! Did that take you over 18 in something? THAT'S OKAY! Equipment? You want equipment? Okay. Pick out ONE (1) Signature Weapon / Magic Item. Yeah, whatever you want. No, I mean it, whatever you want. But there can only be one of those among the players, so it's first-come, first-served on that Vorpal Anything or that Staff of the Whatever. And pick out a Signature Steed, too. Whatever you like. Sigh, yes ... WHATEVER YOU LIKE!
What to expect
Preparing for the session
How can you possibly prepare for the madness you are about to experience at the gaming table? Well...um... for one, we won't be at a gaming table, so you'd best have a webcam and a decent microphone. If you'd rather not show your face, for whatever reason, that’s okay too.
What GM Mr Patrick brings to the table
Hopefully I'll be bringing a sense of humor about this whole, madcap experiment in madcap-ness. We'll see, won't we. Oh, I'll probably also have some illustrations and some maps and tokens and that sort of stuff for the Roll20 vtt. Speaking of tokens, if you find some art you want to use for your toke, send it along to me.
Platforms used
Safety
How GM Mr Patrick creates a safe table
Goodness ... what madness will happen in this game? Who knows? Maybe you'll spend your time at court, trying to convince the royalty NOT to send you out to kill the marauding tarrasque. Maybe you'll you'll have to defeat the 7 Layers of Traps laid by the devious Cake King, Perhaps you'll delve into the mysterious Udderdark and confront the terrible, terrible cows-things that live there. Maybe you'll have to find your lost, pet chupacabra, who ran away when you were accosted on the road by a bagpipe-wielding, unicycle-riding bard. The sky's the limit in this improv sandbox of a game. This game WILL likely contain immature material not suitable for all players. The GM does prefer to keep things PG-13 to Troma movies R-Rated, but we will also use gaming safety tools such as Lines, Veils, and the X-card, all of which will be discussed during our Session Zero.
Content warnings
Safety tools used