🌈GRAND THEFT ABSALOM💸|PATHFINDER SATIRE!| GAB+FA

About the adventure

"Why did I move here? I guess it was the weather. Or the . . . Ah, I don't know. That 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. That 𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒄." -Grand Theft Auto V (2013, Rockstar Games). 𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝. 𝐀𝐛𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐦. The Apple of Aroden's Eye. His statue overlooks Kortos Bay and welcomes the newest migrants to the city with his torch held high. 5,000 years old Absalom is, and another 5,000 years will it remain. From the glitz and glamor of the Ascendant Court to the poverty of the Puddles, this city has withstood raging war and raging weather, would-be conquerers from within and without. This city has birthed heroes. This city has birthed gods. This city is. This city will always be. And it's one of the worst places to live. Get to Goka, for real. 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓'𝐒 𝐆𝐎𝐈𝐍' 𝐎𝐍 Nothing good. The city is only a few years past the destructive 𝐒𝐢𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐀𝐛𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐦, when the lich-lord 𝐓𝐚𝐫-𝐁𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐧 and his undead army attacked, the Whispering Tyrant after the very Starstone itself. Absalom rebuilds, the scars of that terrible battle still tender and prone to bleeding. Across the Inner Sea tensions boil, notably between Andoran and Cheliax. Border clashes and naval skirmishes happen with growing frequency. Most recently, a swath of thefts have occured across the city, targeting items of holy or divine origins. Worst of all? You're to blame. 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 Who are you? You're a native to the city, or a citizen new to its streets. Maybe even a dreaded tourist. You're anybody. You might even be 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆, but more than likely you are 𝗻𝗼𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆. That doesn't matter. Who you are is secondary to who you 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 - somebody stole your face and committed crimes in your name. Maybe they did that because you're already against the law, maybe you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It doesn't matter. What does matter is you're now at the mercy of the APCD - Absalom Public Constabulary Department. A chance is being taken on you all - maybe you really didn't do this. But you gotta prove it. And if not, well . . . nice knowing you. 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 What can you say about Absalom? Sure, you can repeat what the travel brochures say, but what is the city, really? The answer: A mess. A big mess. It just happens to be a very pretty mess. From the Ivy Distrinct's newly booming film industry to the rumbling thunder of the city's Railcarriage Network, the neon lights and the street hustlers hocking fake artifacts down the near the Starstone Cathedral, the city is as false as it is true. Maybe it's both. The promise of godhood looms large over the streets, and if you can't be a god, you can be the next best thing: Outrageously wealthy. Absalom isn't so much a city as it is a game. Players, pieces, cheaters, winners and losers. Which are you going to be?